On Dilemmas and Big Decisions

I'm kind of desperate right now, and I have no other way of channeling my energy than through writing. This is my main stress ball right now, being able to type a bunch of words and forming them into something with substance. Well, hopefully this is substantial enough to be understood.

I have always encountered big decisions, most of which usually come at the worst possible time. There have been moments where I've had to decide between school and dance, moments when I have had to pick between ballet and hip-hop, and also other moments when I have had to decide between being there for my team locally or representing the country with another. All of the above have been choices that I was able to make rational decisions on, based from past experience, convenience, and the like. But the decision I have to make tomorrow morning when I get up... let's just say it doesn't just affect me, but a population as well.

I am not one to vent in public (friends who know me know that I prefer to put it into words or speak to specific people privately), but what I need to decide on calls for advice. If you were me, what would you do? If your decision affected somebody so badly it would put him/her in a situation he/she did not ask for in the first place... would you go through with it? Would you decide on something just because it is something you seek for personal gain, or because you want to please others?

When people speak of morality, they don't just mean choosing between good and evil. Morality does not even come into the picture when the topic of life-or-death (but this being hyperbolic, naturally)--what do you do when what you are deciding on is something you believe you should get, and what nature is telling you to grab at first instinct?

Why is it that people decide to do things after having had some time to think? On the practical sense, it is because the emotions bubbling up inside you are, through society's standards, "irrational." Never act on emotion, they say. But the question is... why the hell NOT? Isn't it that a "drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts", and what a person is feeling at an instinct is the ultimatum?

But what happens when we try to see it on the philosophical side? I've learned quite a lot from my Philosophy teacher, one who speaks her mind because she believes it is the Buddhist in her activating her senses and allowing her to live in the moment. Not only did I learn how to be more aware of what I am doing -- and what I am capable of doing -- from her, but I also discovered that one naturally feels bubbling up inside him/her is what should not be ignored. When the mind is the one pushing down all your thoughts -- don't do this, don't do that... BECAUSE SOCIETY SAYS SO -- that is not being true to yourself. So if my mind is telling me not to decide on something because it may hurt another person, then I am not being true to myself.

Oo nga naman.

I may have just made my decision.